From: pez@manhattan.com (Gizmo) Subject: The Adventures Of Smacks Past (Part 42) Non-Drug Adventures??? Date: 1996/11/30 newsgroups: alt.drugs.hard THE ADVENTURES OF SMACKS PAST (PART 42) Non-Drug Adventures??? Or so we might think. There's no such thing as a non-drug adventure. Just relatively so. As I mused in a previous adventure; "what if all we are, is just a bunch of living chemicals?" This question, the veracity of which, you can probably get most people to agree with somewhat, was about to take on a more profound reality now. Out of the rehab program, for the past year or two, I was very much back in good health, but still wandering a bit aimlessly. I now had the job, the money, a few woman etc., but I was still a bit lost. It seemed that I had gotten over my craving for hard drugs. Even during those New York nights when loneliness set in, I still never thought about getting high. I thought a lot about the really neat states I was able to get myself into during two previous drug-free periods. I remember thinking that it was like I almost had the "answer" I was looking for. Almost. But then and at this point, something was missing. "What was it? Was I forever damaged, as Dr.'s Dole and Nyswynder had maintained in their early research on Heroin addiction." I refused to buy this addiction model. I refused to buy any of the accepted addiction models. Fuck AA, fuck NA, fuck the 12 Steps, fuck the program that I just went through. They were fine enough, but to buy into these treatment modalities as though you just "found god," well...FUCK'EM. The usual strong sense of having to do it in my own way, was still very much alive and kicking. No pun intended! So, while I was busy repairing the damage of the previous "run," I was still actively looking for the extra dimension that was seemingly missing in my life. I guess normally a lot of us fill this up with a relationship, family, job, kids, etc. And for sure I had more woman than I'd had in years. I went on a fuck feast. I found out that I good be quite the good lover that I always wanted to be, but was usually way too fucked up to ever do. Wine, woman and song? Well, maybe just the woman. The hell with the wine and the song. Oh, all right. I like a good tune. So maybe it was woman and song. It was fantastic. The sex that is. I had a number of very intense short term relationships. They were intense. Then I feel into a longer term relationship with a black woman I met in Manhattan. Also, very intense. Good sex maybe more habit forming than any damn narcotic drug. But still, something was missing. Than a strange thing happened. Coincidence again? Perhaps. But looking back over the years, a lot of what happened with me, hardly seemed like coincidence. Here's how it went. Several years ago, around 1979 I believe, when I was already into my fourth run with hard drugs, I still had more than a passing interest in mystical matters. I would periodically browse the occult book stores for good stuff to read up on. One day in 1979, in Weisers bookstore in Greenwich Village, I came across an odd book that looked like it didn't belong on the shelf with all the other books that were there. I remember opening this book and reading some of it, and it struck me that I found something in the writing that was "different" than anything else I had read. I had read plenty of stuff throughout the years and was rather familiar with all the concepts and books that were in print on several of these types of subjects. Most of the stuff out there, both then and now, is basically just a bunch of Pablum, that is, nice fairy tales, on the level of a cute Walt Disney Movie. Open up any good New Age or alternative newspaper, or go into any so-called New Age bookstore, and you'll find ample evidence of how diffuse and diluted all this mystical hoopla has become. Words leap out of the pages: "Get In Touch With Your Spiritual Surgeon!" "Reiki, The Tarot, Astrology, Develop Your Psychic Powers, A Spiritual Way To Have Health And Happiness In Your Life." Just a little investigation of any of this stuff, will convince the average guy or gal on the street that what you're dealing with is fairy tales and dreams. They mind as well be entitling a book, "Get In Touch With Your Inner Shoe!" Nice, comforting stuff perhaps, to be sure, but not much better than the age old dogma that says, "Jesus Saves." This book was different. The type was different. It looked like it was not from your usual major publishing house. I was intrigued. I looked back at the book shelf, and noticed that there was only one other copy of this book! I purchased the book, took it home and read it from cover to cover. The author's name was unfamiliar to me. The subject matter was familiar but was written from an angle that I'd not previously encountered. At the back of the book, was the author's mailing address, with a simple statement that went something like, "If you find the ideas in this book to be of more than a passing interest, you may contact me at the address provided. More information regarding the author's activities may be made available, assuming the interest is genuine." The statement went on to say that the author was not simply a "writer," and that his real interest was in something beyond just intellectual curiosity. Well that peaked my interest in 1979 and I wrote to this person, who did not live in New York and received a reply back that simply said, "contact so and so in Manhattan at such and such a number." But being strung out at the time, I couldn't for the life of me figure what I could do with the possibility of something as extra-ordinary as this seemed to be. I just put the note away and forgot about it for a long time. But now it was 1985. And one day, while on a visit to the Therapeutic Community that I went through, I happened to be browsing in their library room and found a copy of the same book that I ran into six years earlier! This was weird. I picked up the book and looked it over again. It was a newer edition, with a later 2nd printing date on it. I made a big mental note of this coincidence and after saying hello to some of the staff, left for a walk in Central Park. After a period of sensing and feeling for a while I decided that I would write to the author again, to see if anything was still going on in New York. Within about a week, I got a reply to contact someone again at such and such a phone number in Manhattan. I decided to take a shot and called the number and left a message for the person who's voice was on the answering machine. A few days later I spoke to him. I asked a few questions about the nature of what this was all about. The only responses that I got was, that it was not possible to say too much about it in words, but that him and about a dozen or so other folks met once a week at an apartment in Manhattan and that I was welcome to come and see what it was all about. Somehow in the conversation I mentioned something about the kind of experiences I'd had with LSD and after listening for a while he said, "well, this is LSD!" This was all sounding more and more intriguing and I made a note of the day, time and address and decided to go an see for myself what this was all about. I didn't know then that this was going to be the beginning of an "adventure" that was to last right up to the present. A very interesting turn was about to begin. The reality behind the thought's that formed the basis of (non-drug experiences) was going to be very interesting indeed. Very interesting indeed. Copyright Gizmo 1996