Rating: PG
I left sickbay in a brisk walk after Tuvok and Neelix had emerged again. Yes, I was happy to see them, but I killed a man to get them back. And yes, people have died by my hands before. But that was in battle. Or in self defence, trying to escape from the Cardassians. Tuvix never had a chance and I was the one to inject him with a hypospray. I stood at the transporter controls. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I killed him.
After a few steps in the corridor I stopped mid stride to compose myself and the realization came to me I did not want to go back on duty. I just could not pretend nothing had happened and that all was right, so I walked to my quarters. I needed some time by myself to come to terms with what I had done. Yes, I was convinced that as captain I had made the right decision, but I still had to live with it.
I was surprised to see Chakotay waiting for me at my door. The question of who was on the bridge if he was here crossed my mind, but I soon realized that he must have taken care of it. He did not say a word as he saw me and shook his head slightly when I tried to speak. He entered my quarters without invitation and walked over to the replicator where he ordered a coffee and a tea. I stood in the middle of my living room too shocked to move as he sat down on the couch and placed the cups on the table in front of him. He than said the only word he would speak that afternoon. He called my name and I found myself sitting next to him.
I tried to speak to him but he just put his finger to my lips to silence me. So I kept quiet as we sat side by side. I wondered what he was trying to accomplish here, for he usually was the one pushing me to talk about things that bothered me. And he must know how much this incident bothered me.
After sitting next to each other like that for some time it finally came to me. Though he did not know what to say, he was there for me. He did not try to fix it all and he certainly was not pretending everything was all right. He was just there. And that to me was a more powerful statement of his friendship than any words he might have spoken.
THE
END